If your mom or dad is living with dementia, you may be facing this choice sooner than you expected. This guide walks through it in order, from what memory care is to the first weeks after a move.
Read the first few sections before you call any communities. The questions, tour checklist and worksheet near the back are made to be printed and carried with you. The last section is for you, the person doing the caring.
Chapter 1What memory care is
Care built around dementia
Memory care is a type of senior living for people with Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia. It offers the daily help of assisted living, plus a secured setting, staff trained in dementia care, and a day planned around what the person can still enjoy.
Some memory care communities stand on their own. Many are a separate wing or floor inside an assisted living community, and some are inside a nursing home or a larger retirement campus.
| Assisted living | Memory care | Nursing home | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Who it's for | People who need daily help but can get around and make most choices | People with dementia who need supervision to stay safe | People who need nursing care around the clock |
| Doors and exits | Residents come and go | Secured, so residents can't leave alone | Varies; some have secured dementia units |
| Staff | Caregivers 24 hours; nurse hours vary | Caregivers 24 hours, with dementia training; nurse hours vary | Licensed nurses 24 hours |
| Daily life | Residents choose their own activities | Staff lead a structured day with small-group activities | Built around medical care and therapy |
| Who regulates it | Your state | Your state, often with extra rules for dementia care | Your state and the federal government |
More help: Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia 101: The Basics for the Family Caregiver
Chapter 2Signs it may be time
When home is no longer safe
Most families keep their parent at home as long as they can. These are the changes that most often lead families to memory care. If several sound familiar, start looking now, while you still have time to compare.
Safety
- Leaving the stove on, or the door unlocked at night
- Falls, or getting up at night confused
- Missed, doubled or refused medications
- Scams, unpaid bills or strange purchases
- Getting lost while driving or walking
Wandering
The Alzheimer's Association says six in 10 people living with dementia will wander at least once, and many do so repeatedly. One episode of being found outside, or a call from a neighbor or the police, is a strong signal.
Sundowning and nights
Many people with dementia become more confused, anxious or restless in the late afternoon and evening. This is called sundowning. When it keeps the household up night after night, home care gets very hard to sustain.
Caregiver strain
- You or another family member can't sleep through the night
- Your own health, job or marriage is suffering
- Personal care, such as bathing or toileting, has become a struggle
- Your parent is lonely, bored or frightened at home
If family members don't agree on what they're seeing: "She Sounded Great on the Phone": When Siblings Disagree
Chapter 3How memory care is set up
What makes it different
A good memory care community is designed so residents can move around freely and safely, with familiar faces and a predictable rhythm to the day.
A secured setting
Exits are locked or alarmed, often with a keypad. Residents can still walk the halls and use an enclosed garden or courtyard.
Smaller groups
Many communities split residents into small "households" or neighborhoods, each with its own living room, dining area and regular staff.
Trained staff
Caregivers learn how to calm distress, help with eating and bathing, and respond to behaviors with patience. Training rules vary by state.
A structured day
Meals, activities and rest happen at the same times each day. Routine lowers anxiety and helps residents know what comes next.
What a day might look like
Ask about nights before you choose: Memory Care at 3 a.m.: The Night Questions to Ask
Chapter 4What it costs
What families pay
Memory care costs more than assisted living because it takes more staff and a secured building. Here is what memory care communities post on their own websites.
How it compares
Median monthly starting price by type of community
Source: Lilisity review of community websites, October 2026. Starting prices are usually for the smallest apartment before care charges, so most families pay more. *Nursing home private rates come mostly from five states that publish them (Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Minnesota and North Dakota), plus nursing home websites.
Questions about price
- Is care included, or charged by level?
- What raises the care level later?
- Private or shared room prices
- One-time community or move-in fee
- Incontinence care and supplies
- Yearly increases for the last three years
Chapter 5Ways to pay
Paying for memory care
Most families pay from savings, income and the sale of a home. A few programs can help. Some take months to set up, so start early.
Medicare
Medicare doesn't pay for long-term care, including room, board and daily help in memory care. It still covers doctor visits, hospital stays, prescriptions (with Part D) and hospice, the same as at home.
Medicaid
Medicaid pays for long-term nursing home care for people who qualify in their state. Many states also help pay for care services in assisted living or memory care through waiver programs. Room and board usually isn't covered, there can be waitlists, and not every community accepts Medicaid.
Long-term care insurance
Many policies cover memory care. A dementia diagnosis often meets the policy's trigger for benefits. Check the daily benefit, the waiting period and what paperwork the community must send.
Veterans benefits
Wartime veterans and surviving spouses with limited income who need help with daily activities may qualify for the VA pension with Aid and Attendance. Apply at va.gov or with a free accredited representative.
Chapter 6Before you tour
Get ready for the first visit
A little preparation helps you see past the lobby and notice what your parent's days will really be like.
- Write a short care summaryDiagnosis, medications, mobility, sleep, what upsets your parent, what soothes them, and any wandering or falls. Communities will ask for this.
- Gather the paperworkFind the power of attorney for health care and finances. If these don't exist yet, ask an elder law attorney soon.
- Call three to five communitiesAsk about openings, starting prices, and whether they can care for your parent's needs today and as dementia progresses.
- Read the state inspection reportLook for serious problems and whether they were fixed.
- Tour at different timesVisit once at a meal and once in the late afternoon, when sundowning is most common.
What residents and families tell us
Senior Living Alliance, the company behind Lilisity, talks with residents and families by phone, including 2,937 interviews in memory care over the past year. Across all care types, staff came up in 83% of 4,207 positive comments. When people raised concerns about care, the common themes were communication with family, attentiveness, medication management, responsiveness and staffing.
Share of positive comments mentioning each topic. Source: Senior Living Alliance phone interviews with residents and families at member communities, September 2025 to September 2026.
Chapter 7Questions to ask
Staffing, training and daily care
Ask for numbers and examples. A clear answer sounds like "three caregivers for 16 residents at night."
Staffing
- How many caregivers work in memory care during the day, the evening and overnight, and for how many residents?
- Do memory care staff stay in memory care, or are they shared with other parts of the building?
- Is a nurse on site, and during which hours? Who is on call at night?
- How long have the memory care director and most caregivers worked here?
Dementia training
- What dementia training does each caregiver get before working alone, and every year after?
- Who teaches it, and does it include hands-on practice?
- What does your state require for memory care, and how do you go beyond it?
Daily life
- Can I see this week's activity calendar? Who leads activities on evenings and weekends?
- How do you get someone involved who doesn't want to join in?
- How do you help residents who need cues or help eating? How do you track weight?
- How often can residents go outside?
Medications
- Who gives medications, and what training do they have?
- What happens when a resident refuses a pill?
- How often does a doctor or pharmacist review each resident's medications?
- How do you decide when a medication for mood or behavior is needed, and will you call me first?
The harder questions
These are uncomfortable to ask on a tour. The answers tell you how long your parent can stay and how they will be cared for as the disease progresses.
Behaviors
- How do staff respond when a resident is agitated, frightened or tries to leave?
- What do you try before medication?
- How do you handle a resident who strikes out at staff or other residents?
- What is your plan for a resident who is up most of the night?
End of life and hospice
- Can residents stay here through the end of life?
- Do you work with outside hospice agencies? Can we choose the agency?
- Can you care for someone who can no longer walk or needs two staff to move?
- Can family stay overnight near the end?
When a resident is asked to leave
- For what reasons can a resident be asked to move out? Ask for the list in writing.
- How much notice do you give, and how can a family appeal?
- If needs go beyond your license, what happens next?
- What happens if savings run out?
Keeping you informed
- Who is my main contact, and how do I reach someone after hours?
- When will you call me about a fall, illness or behavior change?
- How often do we meet to review the care plan?
Chapter 8Tour checklist
What to notice on a memory care tour
Print one copy for each community. Spend at least 20 minutes just watching.
Residents
How staff approach residents
Safety and outdoors
Finding the way
Meals
Your overall feeling
Chapter 9Warning signs
Reasons to slow down
One of these alone may have a good explanation, so ask about it. Several together are a reason to keep looking.
Chapter 10Comparison worksheet
Compare side by side
Fill this in after each tour, while it's fresh.
Swipe the table sideways to see every column.
| Community 1 | Community 2 | Community 3 | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Name | |||
| Monthly cost for our needs | |||
| Move-in fees | |||
| Caregivers at night, per residents | |||
| Nurse hours | |||
| Dementia training | |||
| Residents engaged (1 to 5) | |||
| Staff approach (1 to 5) | |||
| Secured outdoor space | |||
| Help at meals (1 to 5) | |||
| Hospice and end of life | |||
| Reasons a resident must leave | |||
| Inspection report | |||
| Our parent's reaction | |||
| Overall feeling |
Chapter 11Move day and the first weeks
Planning a calm move day
A move is hard on anyone, and harder for someone with dementia. Ask the community's staff to help you plan. They have done this many times.
- Set up the room firstBring familiar bedding, a favorite chair, photos and a few treasured objects. Arrange them the way they were at home, so the room feels familiar on the first night.
- Choose your parent's best time of dayFor many people with dementia, that is the morning. Avoid late afternoon if they tend to sundown.
- Keep the explanation short and calmLong discussions and debates can raise anxiety. Talk with the staff and your parent's doctor ahead of time about what to say, and agree on it as a family.
- Keep it smallOne or two familiar people with your parent. Let others handle the furniture and boxes out of sight.
- Plan the goodbyeAsk staff to start an activity or meal with your parent, then leave simply, without a long farewell.
Pack and label
- Label clothing, glasses, hearing aids and dentures
- Easy-on clothes, about a week's worth
- Leave valuables and important papers at home
Give staff an "about me" page
- Preferred name, past work, family names
- Daily routine, favorite foods and music
- What upsets them and what calms them
The first weeks
Most new residents need time to settle in. It's common for them to ask to go home, seem more confused, or sleep poorly at first. For many people, this eases as the routine and the faces become familiar.
- Ask staff about the timing of visitsSome families visit daily from the start. Others space out early visits so their parent can bond with staff. There is no single rule, so ask what the team suggests for your parent.
- Keep visits short and pleasantJoin an activity, take a walk in the garden, share a snack or look at photos. Plan to leave at a natural break, such as the start of a meal.
- When they say "I want to go home"Respond to the feeling behind it. "You miss home. Tell me about it." Arguing or explaining the diagnosis usually makes things harder.
- Check in with the care team at two weeksAsk how your parent is eating, sleeping and joining in, and how staff are handling any hard moments.
- Hold a care plan meeting around 30 daysReview the care level, medications and the bill, and fix small problems before they grow.
More help: "I Want to Go Home": The First Weeks After a Move
Staying close as memory changes: Connecting to Loved Ones with Memory Loss
Chapter 12Caring for yourself, and free help
You matter in this too
Many families feel guilt, grief and relief all at once after a move to memory care. All of these are normal. Choosing memory care is a way of continuing to care for your parent.
- Let the staff handle the hands-on care, so your visits can be time together.
- Join a support group for dementia caregivers, in person or online.
- Talk to your own doctor if you're not sleeping, eating or coping.
- If your parent is still at home, ask their doctor about respite care and Medicare's GUIDE dementia care pilot, which some practices offer. GUIDE includes a person to help coordinate care, a 24/7 support line, caregiver training and up to $2,500 a year in respite services.
Free help
More help: I Am Now My Parents’ Caregiver. Help!
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Printable PDF · 17 pages
Keep a copy, print the checklists, or share it with family.
Get the printable PDFThis guide is general information and is not medical, legal or financial advice. Prices and program rules change; confirm details with each community and program. Lilisity is part of Senior Living Alliance. © 2026 Senior Living Alliance.
